I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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