Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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