Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
