I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
