she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
