she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
