so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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