What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
