I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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