I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
