My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
