Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
