My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
