they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize