Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Boobs speak an international language.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
