but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
