so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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