But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
