I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The Olympian is in my bed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
