I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The Olympian is in my bed
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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