I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
