I want to have your abortion
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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