True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
