a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
