shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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