Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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