Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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