you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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