the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize