they need to just BURY HIM!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
