No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
