Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize