my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
