WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
