do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
