Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
