YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
