There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
