You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
