Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
