Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
