good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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