Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
