Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
