Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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