HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
