HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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