you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
