im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
