Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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