I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
