i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize