There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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