someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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