i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i now understand why vodka
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
