I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
