it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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