Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
