non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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