Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
