On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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