Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
