need another drink. this is the easiest way
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
