If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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