There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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