he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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