Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
