worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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