i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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