Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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