Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
