the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
