Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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