Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
